Singled Out !

AK returned back from the leave with a packet of sweets. AK IS ENGAGED. The word spread like jungle fire. “Hearty Congratulations” started pouring in from all over. I also extended my best wishes trying to make it sound less customary than cursory.. According to me, he needed Best wishes more than Congratulations for all that lay ahead. I could not stop sympathizing with him and myself too coz now I was the sole defending Batsman left in the team of us happy bachelors.. The slog iover has begun. The usual tirade that I & AK used to face collectively till date was now solely bequeathed to me. Have a glimpse of how I have been Gheraofied on my last visit back home by seemingly everyone of my acquaintances on this planet..

ME: “Life is getting mundane. There isn’t much exciting happening.”
Colleague: “Get married. You will never say that again.”
(I am yet to decipher the true intentions of the speaker behind saying this statement. Was this a sincere suggestion or sarcastic comment on getting married?)

Me: “I am tired of eating the same daal-chawal & chapatti in canteen.”
Aunty: “Get married. Then you will have home cooked food everyday.”
(And who will arrange the kitchen & pay the maid to do the utensils & bring the grocery? More so if she too is working then who would be cooking? No one knows!)

Me: “Hello! It’s been pretty long since we talked last.”
Friend: “Yeah! I thought probably you got engaged & didn’t bother to inform me. Is it so?”
Me:“No yaar! No plans yet.”
Friend: “To kya budhaape mein shaadi karega. Yaar get married soon. Bahut dinon se kisee yaar ki shaadi mein dance nahi kiya.”
(Wow! What a wonderful reason for me to get married! Mere dost ko shaadi mein dance karna hai. Can’t he dance anywhere else? What happened to all the discotheques?)

My twelve year old cousin sister: “Bhaiya when are you getting married? I am not buying any new dress this wedding season. I will buy them at your wedding only. You have to buy a lehanga for me.”
Me: “But you can have that lehanga otherwise too, sweatheart!”
Cousin : “hmmm…woh to hai but first, I have to wear it at your wedding na?”
(Another amazing reason. My friend wants to dance & my sis wants to dress up!)

Buaji: “Batte! Jaldi se ek soni si kudi leke aa. Ab hum bhi thhode saas banne ke faayde uthhayein.”
(As if Daughter-in-laws are designer made & one can easily shop for them. Gosh! Its my wedding, not some Mughalai dish which can be ordered from a good restaurant)

Phuphaji, is one step further ahead: “Main to teri saas ko jhappi dene ka wait kar raha hu.” 

Bhabhi: “Deverji, dekho get married timely. Baad mein family settle karne mein bhi time lagega. You won’t want your kids to be studying still while you are already retired.”
(Practical advice straight out of Experience! I won’t offer any counter argument. In fact I can’t)

Doctor friend: “Abhi shaadi karle. Warna after 30, bachhe ko bhi risk rehta hai.”
(This time it’s a Doctor’s advice. But just imagine, talking about “yarn export business” to a farmer planning to buy land for cultivating cotton.)

Bro (I got this recently): “See brother, there are so many things you do without asking why you are doing them. Before marriage you might be troubled with your inability to find any answers to those “Whys”. But after marriage such “Whys” will not bother you.You will understand that Life goes on.”
(What did he say? Can anyone tell that to me please....)

Sis: “Dekh abhi to meri dresses aa bhi rahi hain. Baad mein saari nayi dresses leni padegi. Why do you want me to spend all over again?”
(I m too bugged up to even think about the reason given. I just smile & nod in acceptance)

Another cousin: “Don’t worry. Shaadi karle. Baad mein sab thheek ho jaata hai. More so, you have to get married one day, so why not now?”
(I wonder. Everybody has to die one day, but everyone doesn’t commit suicide)

Dad: “Ab teri shaadi karne ke baad I want to retire. When I see other’s kids getting married, I wonder when mine will do.”
(It seems, as if I am the only “Single” left in the group. Or rather “Singled out”)

MOM got the Final word: “Enough is Enough. I am not going to listen to you anymore. You get married this year & then do whateve r you like, go wherever you want to go. I won’t stop you.”

“Leap of faith” - I have begun to understand this phrase with respect to marriage. Marriage increases your faith in yourself before you do it & later it increases the span of your faith beyond yourself.

The species of Happy bachelors like me is getting endangered. Something needs to be done urgently for its conservation.. Anyone out there who could save me PLEASE.___

P.S. Giving in to the increasing circumstantial pressures, I had to finally accede,“O.K., I am ready to get married.”(Sigh!)..
So, its “Hooray” for my family & relatives who have launched a frenzied hunt for the bride..
Its gonna be an “Arranged Marriage!!" ??? Yet to be seen!!!

 

P.P.S  After staying away from home for more than a decade (read bachelorhood) my personal space has grown toooo huge. The belief of encroachment in my personal space after marriage is creating a sense of fear and anxiety and am just praying that it doesn’t reach paranoid proportions.

 

 

The music of silence.

“Speech is silver, silence is gold”- this is what we have been taught since our childhood. However, we realize the importance of life as we grow up rather than when we are kid. It is not only an old saying by grandma but, scientifically proved also.

A few minutes of keeping silence can reduce the level of stress and strain to a great low.
Silence is a great stress buster, as it makes us aware of many things in life, which we usually overlook or never listen and see as they are obscured by everyday noise, pollution and commotion.

Silence has unseen power. The nightfall creeps silently and the day breaks without noise. The silent snowfall makes no sound and the light passes through a diamond making no noise it sparkles. But silence, as all other things, has other side of its picture also. While many of its uses are profitable there are few that can cause harm. The silent fall of snow can make a place beautiful. But too much of it can bring destruction. The water that evaporates silently to fall as rain is very useful for crops but too much of it can cause great destruction.

 

But silence is silence. So many times we have experienced a moment in life when we just run out of words and go... s i l e n t ???

Let me assist in recalling those silence...

The moment when you are parting with your old friend(s) and the train has just started... and you are standing on the door of the wagon.. waving "bye-bye" with your heart beating fast...

... the moment after the HR manager has just called you and told you,"You are through! Congrats!"

... the moment when you sit alone in your room after having told everyone that you cleared your exam and got a degree!!

You can go on remembering your "special" moments!

I had always wondered why I never said anything to myself at those moments.. as if it was "understood"... happiness, joy, pain.. all the feelings just flowed ceaselessly in the 'years' that passed in those flash moments!

Its said... the best way to communicate is through "silence".
Love. Joy. Grief. Surprise. Anger. Hope. Expectations. Support. Non-cooperation... everything can be explained in silence.

Can you imagine the importance of a silent moment in a song??

When Bryan Adams stops for a while along with music, before he goes on in his husky voice...

... Please forgive me. I cant stop loving you!

Ever had those moments when you thought you were tired enough that you reach for your bed after dinner.. but find yourself wide awake looking at the roof of your room silently...

But you sure are 'thinking'... those moments of self-talk are the most important in our lives. Those moments when we listen to our own hearts! Those promises... those decisions... those are the moments when we make our destinies!

Next time you go silent... listen carefully to what your heart is saying.. listen to its joy...listen to its pain.. listen to its fears.. listen to its desires..

Dont make it shut up and go off to sleep...

LISTEN TO THAT VOICE and ACCEPT EVERYTHING IT SAYS!

That voice alone can lead us to the abode of peace that our sleep lacks... peace that awaits!

Be in touch with your true self... be silent once a day, every day

 

Am I a Lesbian?

Disclaimer: Those who are very sure about their orientations can continue reading this post.




Recently i watched a movie Straight. Straight is the story of Pinu Patel (Vinay Pathak) who is confused about his sexuality, and goes through various (supposedly) hilarious experiments and emotional upheavals in life before he finally makes up his mind that he is straight. Unfortunately, the audience might still be confused at the end of the film as I was as to why it took Mr Pinu Patel full 37 years to get confused with his orientation. Well its a movie after all but in real life I too was confused with my orientation way back when i was 14.

Cathie was was a exchange student who was sponsored by J..... Society. Each year one foreign student from various part of the world woulds come to our school to complete their high school as apart of this exchange programme. She had studied in the U.S till class nine .She came down to India to continue her studies.She hated me for the sole reason that I was very innocent in school. The innocence in me was very evident from the kind of doubts that I tried to clarify with my Biology teacher. Most of the time, the teacher ended up blushing at my doubts. Seldom did she answer my innocent doubts.I thought that she was ignorant. So considering the fact that Cathie specialised in Biology in her high school, I thought that she would be the right person to answer my doubt.The biggest doubt,that I had then was the exact meaning of the term Lesbian. So one fine afternoon I approached Cathie to clear my doubts. She was one of the most brilliant students in my class. I went and sat near her and this is how our conversation went

Me: Hi Cathie. I have a doubt
She: Yes Chrissy boy. Ask your doubt
Me: Who is a lesbian?
She: A lesbian is someone who is interested in girls.
Me: Then, Am I a lesbian?
She: Why do you think so?
Me: Because I am interested in girls.
She: No. You cannot be a Lesbian. You have to be a girl to become one.
Me: Now what should I do? Are not there any means by which I can become a Lesbian?
She: You got it all wrong. I'll explain it to you.
Me: Ok ! Cathie ( The innocence was over flowing)
She: I am a Girl and I am interested in Boys. So that makes me Straight.
Me: Wow. Now You have cleared my doubt. I am not interested in Men. So that means that I am not straight. Am I right?
She: No. You are Straight.
Me: I am very clear that you do not know the meaning for the word,"lesbian".
She:Thats enuff. Now leave me alone.
Me: By the by; Did you just say that You like Guys?
She: Yes. But I do not like You.

She got up from that place and went in an angry mood. She never spoke to me after that.

BTW, the term "lesbian" sounded better than " straight". So I started calling myself a Lesbian for a very long time. Still I am very confused with the term. Are you a lesbian?